Theres a feeling i cant fill but it was filled in the beginning, theres so much that he is going to lose but he doesnt seem to care…he doesnt know how good to him i am, how faithful…but yet for some reason, he still seems to try and walk all over my torn and whethered heart and i have no idea why. He will never be the same to me again. Before, i used to say that it would be so hard to just be friends with him but now, its to the point where i dont know if i even want a friendship after all of this is said and done! Belive or not, i wanted us to be done about a month ago, im ready to give up on trying to make the fakeness between us work. He may show me that he cares but only when he wants to and when he does show me, it seems out of this world fake or he is just thinking of someone else all the time. Why did it have to end like this? Why did you have to prove to me again that most guys are all the same? Is this a joke to you, something to laugh about when i leave you? Im sure you wont even look back at it, you will keep flipping through the pictures and videos of the other girls you talk to thats on your phone…..i hate that i have served no purpose in your life but you seemed to have served one in mine for a short period of time. I cant wait to find something real, something meaningful and most of all, someone that wont hurt me and tear me down til i want to scream and cry until i lose my voice and feel numb.
To: MRV….I dont think I can ever stop loving him…I hate that.
“Never Be The Same”
[VERSE 1]
I know you, who are you now?
Look into my eyes if you can’t remember.
Do you remember, oh?
I can see, I can still find
You’re the only voice my heart can recognize
But I can’t hear you now, yeah.
[CHORUS]
I’ll never be the same
I’m caught inside the memories, the promises
are yesterdays and I belong to you.
I just can’t walk away
‘cause after loving you
I can never be the same.
[VERSE 2]
And how can I pretend I’ve never known you?
Like it was all a dream, no.
I know I’ll never forget
the way I always felt with you beside me
and how you loved me then, yeah.
[CHORUS]
[BRIDGE]
You led me here,
then I watched you disappear.
You left this emptiness inside
and I can’t turn back time
No, stay!
Nothing compares to you.
Nothing compares to you.
I can’t let you go,
Can’t let you go.
I can’t let go.
I’ll never be the same,
not after loving you,
not after loving you, no.
[CHORUS]
I can never be the same.
I will never be the same.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I just can’t walk away.
No, I can’t walk away from you.
To Love Again…
All this time I felt so lost, lost and needed help.
Incomplete, out of reach, alone all by myself.
It all becomes so clear, when I see your face.
And it’s only when you’re near, I feel I’m safe.
So before we take this road, before you change my mind, and fill my heart with hope, help me to believe this time.
I’ve been torn apart, desperately tryin’ to find a way back to my heart, so I can love again.
Ooh, help me love again. Ooh yeah.
I’m so tired of holding on, so tired of waiting.
I need to feel something real, without it breaking.
It all becomes so clear, when you touch my hand.
And it’s only when you’re near, I know you understand.
So before we take this road, before you change my mind, fill my heart with hope, help me to believe this time.
I’ve been torn apart, desperately try to find a way back to my heart, so I can love again.
There’s a fire within me, but I don’t know where to stop. There’s light beginning. Theres a dark kind leaving there’s a hope I’m feeling now.
Uhhh yes.
So before we take this road, before you change my mind, fill my heart with hope, help me to believe this time.
I’ve been torn apart, desperately try to find a way back to my heart, so I can love again.
Uuuh, yeah.
Turn the page to love again.
So many thoughts…
So many thoughts running through my head…
Why does he makes things difficult? Does he do it to get to me or does he actually mean the things he says? I guess I’ll never know unless I ask but then again, I almost dont want to know. He is with someone or hes very close to being with someone, I am sure of it. Why do I feel like a little high school girl trying to figure this out? I know there isnt any need for it and I know that I shouldnt even be thinking twice about him but I love him. Regardless of the things that had happened, I have known him for so long so I cant seem to just give up. Where are the things that we used to have? Why are they gone and why did you have to make them disappear? You hurt me. You lead me on. Why is it that a guy can be so happy with someone and want to commit when you are physically with them but when yall are away from each other, he cant commit.
A new one. Yes, he makes me laugh but Im not sure whats missing. I love being around him and with him but Im not opening myself to anyone, with each time someone leaves or lets me down it makes me block that next person out so much more. Throughout my life that is how it has always been. It started with my mothers first husband and the next one was so much worse. I guess we will just see how it turns out…maybe I wont shut him out if he does actually turn out to be a good guy, high hopes probably…
An old one. He doesnt want someone that is a long drive, fly or train ride away. Hes amazing though. Why cant I seem to trust him though? I guess it will always go back to my past. I try my best to not let my past get to me but there was some pretty horrible and demeaning things that has happened to me that I just cant seem to ever forget about it. I hate that life has as many troubles and ups and downs in it but then if it didnt, I guess you wouldnt be able to say you have lived at all. He can make me smile at the fact that I believe that I love him but I dont have the guts to tell him but I would be with him in a heartbeat. We have some really great memories together even if there are very few.
I have several other thoughts and issues…but no time to write them…have to work to be able to provide for my son most of all….
Wheres my life headed….
This up to 1000 years old snow has metamorphosed into highly pressurized glacier ice that contains almost no air bubbles. Thus it absorbs the visible light despite the scattered shortest blue fraction, giving it its distinct deep blue waved appearance. This cavity in the glacier ice formed as a result of a glacial mill, or moulin.
Rain and meltwater on the glacier surface is channelled into streams that enter the glacier at crevices. The waterfall melts a hole into the glacier while the ponded water drains towards lower elevations by forming long ice caves with an outlet at the terminus of the glacier. The fine grained sediments in the water along with wind blown sediments cause the frozen meltwater stream to appear in a muddy colour while the top of the cave exhibits the deep blue colour.
Due to the fast movement of the glacier of about 1 m per day over uneven terrain this ice cave cracked up at its end into a deep vertical crevice, called cerrac. This causes the indirect daylight to enter the ice cave from both ends resulting in homogeneous lighting of the ice tunnel.
:) all smiles in my own little world…
He’s the type of guy that I would sing at the top of my lungs with, walk into the rain and act like it was nothing, talk to as if I was writing it on a piece a piece of paper….he makes me smile oh so very much.
Never wanting this to end. I’ve waited too long for him…
SO……
he’s 35 and has the body of a 26 yr old man. He’s a daddy of a beautiful 5 yr old little girl named Lydia. He smiles every single time he looks at me. We have known each other for almost 3 years now. Recently going through a divorce. Wants to be in a serious relationship with me but he is waiting until I am ready to say yes to that commitment. He said he would visit me almost every 4 day he has all the way from ft campbell whether he has to drive or fly!! He is bringing his daughter down to meet me on the 7th of june because he wants to make sure that we meet before we maybe pick things up and become an actual couple (It’s a big deal for him letting me meet his daughter!!). He is great with Kayden and Kayden loves him too! He loves me for who I am and not what I look like but still doesnt judge me on my outside appearance that Kayden decided to leave me with. ;) He opens doors for me, cooks for me, helps me with Kayden even though Im oh so very indpendent and he does sooo much more. He is definately great to me and Kayden both and I love him for that….He makes me feel like im on top of the tallest building in the world and nothing can break it down. I feel very comfortable around him and he is vice versa as well. He wants to take me places and show me things and all this kind of stuff that Ive wanted to do for a long time. He listens to me. He makes me laugh. He’s protective and makes me feel safe. He’s affectionate in all th right ways…
I could keep going on and on about him and everything that he does and would do with me and for me…but I have no clue what to do. I think I might take him up on the serious relationship part.
What do you think?
so um…im kinda scared…
Im scared to fall asleep in my own house right now. I came home from work, around 3 AM and I walk up to put the key in the door and it was cracked open…so I walk inside and pu kayden down, turn on some lights, get a huge knife, walk around the house lookin through closets, cabinets, showers and under beds, in the laundry room and all that. Just now nervous to go to sleep, even if didnt see anyone or anything stolen….I still have the knife by me though…..always by my side…why can I feel comfortable in my own place…thats BS
“The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” - Chinese Proverb
“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” - Martin Luther King
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” - Scott Adams“A truly creative person rids him or herself of all self-imposed limitations.” - Gerald Jampolsky
“Trust your hunches. They’re usually based on facts filed away
just below the conscious level.” - Dr. Joyce Brothers“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” - Albert Einstein
“When every single breath becomes important, When every single moment means something to you, then there is no sorrow or regret. There is just a human being that has been dusted off, and all that exists is clarity.” - Maharaji
“A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be.” - Albert Einstein
“I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.” - Albert Einstein
“Act as if it were impossible to fail.” — Dorothea Brande
“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.”— F. Scott Fitzgerald
“We are not retreating — we are advancing in another direction.”— Douglas MacArthur
